Baby Wishes

So I haven't posted in a while about my baby wishes and where I am in the process.  Well the truth is, I am terrified.  I don't want to be and I know I should be trusting in God more but I am still scared. I am scared of the negative results, I am scared of the money its gonna cost to try again, the money it's costing right now and where it's coming from and most of all I am scared that it won't happen with the frozem embryo transfer or that we keep having to do IVF. Deep down I know that God won't allow that to happen but on the surface, it's hard to cope with and I know He will only give you what you can bear but I am not doing as well as I would like.

I was reading the daily word yesterday and it was talking about stop trying to fix everything yourself.  I felt like was speaking to me.  This is what I try to do; fix things. I've done some crazy things in hopes of "fixing" my infertility issues.  Besides planning on my ovulation dates, I've even done things like taking Chinese herbs, eating pineapple cores and the list goes on and on. I don't like the feeling of desperation.  However I can't accept that it won't happen.  So I know I need to strengthen my faith and trust God's will more and more. It's coming and I can feel myself growing which is good but I don't have warm and fuzzies about the whole baby thing yet, not fully.