The ups and downs of IVF

While I was going through my IVF process, I met two of the most inspiring women that were going through IVF during the same cycle.  We met at one of our many millions of doctor’s appointments, and started to build a support group. What I didn't realize is how much these women would be my inspiration and how fond I would become of them. Both of them got pregnant during the first round of IVF, which initially was motivation when I didn't get pregnant. However these women felt my pain even though they got the best news they were looking for, they were checking up for me and praying for me and felt the pain I felt,  and while I was saddened by my results I was overjoyed by theirs.  There are so many things that can happen during early pregnancy, and in many situations these things occur naturally and the mother would never know because they don’t find out until 6 or 8 weeks,  but because you are undergoing IVF, you typically test early (10 days after transfer) and often so the doctors can have more hands on along the way.  One of my IVF buddies is now going through the dreaded phase of ups and downs. Her HCG wasn't rising as it was supposed to and in her first ultrasound, the doctor’s thought she would eventually have an unviable pregnancy.  However on her second ultrasound her babies (twins) were growing.  Although she wasn't out of the risk zone, things were looking up and there was still hope.  Yesterday she got a call to say her HCG numbers were dropping. Today she goes for an ultrasound.  I am so scared for her and yet still hopeful.

See every since I got my BFN (big fat negative), I've experienced happiness and peace, the kind I didn't think I was going to be able to have once I didn't get pregnant.  When I first heard the news, I thought I was going to be one of those people who couldn’t look at a baby without breaking out in a dramatic cry or maybe be bitter and jealous about people who are pregnant, I don’t know…but I knew it wouldn’t be good.   But God got my out of that dump, because he knows that's not my character and that I would never want to be that way.  If God can pull me up and out of the dumps, then I know he can save my friends’ pregnancy, and if he doesn't save her pregnancy, he can give her the peace that she will need to move on to the next phase in life.

It's hard though, I won't lie...I have to keep trusting and believing and when things look down and things look a little harder, I have to go deep, trust a little harder and believe a little more. I pray for my friends as this is one milestone that I never thought I'd be at, but learning to take the blessings of all situations, which is such a rewarding feeling.